The Wizard House

1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

Intro Post, updated March 1, 2023

I post all asks under the name they were submitted under, and I post them when I feel like answering them. I will never honor a request to answer an ask privately or anonymously. Anon is never turned on. These are hard self-care boundaries. Please block the tag “harassment tag” if you don’t want to be subjected to some of the horrible shit I get sent sometimes.

If you like what I do, please consider hiring me, consider buying something from NerdyKeppie (the shop I own with my spouse - we do custom work!), consider buying me a coffee or becoming a Patron or tossing some money in my PayPal tip jar. I am a disabled, queer, fat, Jewish non-binary butch whose entire income is derived from selling Quality Queerwear via our company NerdyKeppie (we also offer patches of all sorts, nerd gear, etc – if you don’t see it, ask!), Patreon (queer fiction for a dollar) and freelance work.

If asking me to boost a post for you, ask at most once per week, and please don’t make that the only way you interact with me, or follow me just to send an ask that I boost your posts. I notice, and I’ll end up just blocking you if you make me feel “used.” It’s gross, y'all. I’m glad to help, but don’t use me. It’s getting to a point where I’m starting to feel pretty gross about it, and I’m one of the more relaxed ppl about boosting posts, so please don’t put me in a position where I feel like I have to stop doing it.

I will not debate my identity or its history with anyone. I am a transmasculine non-binary butch lesbian, a cripple, a dyke, and lots of other things, too. You don’t get a vote in that, and if any of those words are words you can’t stand to have someone use around you in reference to himself, go ahead and block me. I won’t censor my identity for your comfort; I took a long time becoming proud of who I am.

No, I am not an anti or an anti-anti. Literally no one cares about these distinctions outside of Tumblr. Please leave me alone. I am not going to have that conversation. No is a complete sentence.

I’m not interested in interacting with TWERFs, SWERFs, or any sort of exclusionary LGBTQ/queer people. Y'all are exhausting.

Do the work to root out TERF/2nd-wave “man bad woman good” philosophies from your head. Do the work to root out the gendered behavior you were taught. I am not here to raise other people’s children.

I am not here to raise other people’s children. My daughter is an adult and I am done being responsible for the experiences of a minor. If you read or interact with me, you acknowledge that you chose to do that and I can’t control what happens to what I post once I post it on my Tumblr. People will reblog it and I can’t control where it ends up. I can only control what I say in my space, which I do.

Curate your own online experiences. If you don’t like seeing what I write, then add ‘vaspider’ to your “filtered content” list and don’t bother me about it. Tumblr is a 17+ environment and I am not responsible for you seeing things you don’t like. Adults having adult conversations do not need to be filtered for children. This is your notification.

I’ve been Out for over 30 years. I don’t tolerate lectures from strangers, especially people half my age, about history I lived through.

I’m transmasc and if you believe transmisandry/transandrophobia aren’t “real things,” or that transmascs aren’t “really oppressed,” please just leave me alone. Oppression Olympics are bad, actually.

My immediate family consists of my partners, my adult daughter, and our dogs.

No one in my immediate family is cis or het. I have been called Spider for 20+ years, & now a lot of people call me Mama Spider. Mom is a role, it need not be gendered.

This is a lot shorter than it used to be. I don’t really feel like posting paragraphs explaining stuff anymore.

My icon has lore, apparently.

I post all asks and anon is never turned on.

Pinned Post
cat-boy-tits
cryptotheism
cryptotheism

It is nearly midnight and I am elbow deep in the wikipedia article for the history of New Orleans. My ass is learning about the Old Ursuline Convent.

cryptotheism

Sometimes I like to imagine history as the collected biographies of cities. They're like having a body. It's hard to conceptualize a ten year period for a whole nation, but I think most people grasp how much a city can change in a decade.

Cities get personalities. They're like people in that way.

naamahdarling
hootenanie

post my angel of discourse. post for me!!!

bill-blake-fans-anonymous

(In a piercing soprano) Horror movies are unethical because the characters are forced to be scared!

lavendersalve

(In a warm, resounding contralto) we should ban sex scenes because the characters were children at some point in their lives!

naamahdarling

(In a velvety tenor) All children's entertainment is inherently unethical because it's created by adults for the express purposes of manipulating the minds and emotions of young people before they can think for themseeeeeeeelves!

gallusrostromegalus
callmebliss

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And they look out so hard for the well being of the spiders AND the dolphins

callmebliss

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@moss-wizard of course this isn’t how we serve it!!

It has to be in a dish with much higher sides, so when we go to cut it and it tries to sliiiiiide away it doesn’t escape and blorp blorp blorp across mom’s nice tablecloth

breelandwalker

SLICE YOUR CANNED BOGBERRY GOO INTO DISCS BEFORE SERVING, YOU FILTHY HERETICS.

traegorn

NO. IT WILL BE SERVED IN PROPER CAN SHAPE, AND WILL HAVE ITSELF SCOOPED INTO WEIRD SHAPES THE WAY THE GODS INTENDED

breelandwalker

YOU STAY OUTTA THIS, GOD-QUEEN-EMPEROR. AND TAKE YOUR CERVID STALKERS WITH YOU.

dandelion-witch

It's supposed to be served in can shape with two discs already sliced and laying tastefully in front

breelandwalker

I have consulted the scriptures and this is variation is still within the bounds of orthodoxy.

tribblesandtribulations

Mash the can shape up. We giving the table what they want, chaos in a dish, with a serving spoon.

breelandwalker

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moiracolleenodell

Not to derail the escalating heresy, but what do dolphins have to do with cranberry bogs?

amastodonofconflict

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phizgigz

cranberry is served in its can shape in the can direction, not on its side but on its cylinder

olliums

Right but you guys know that ocean spray also sells like. Cranberries. Which you can use to make an actually edible cranberry sauce on the stovetop in 10 minutes of unattended cook time

aniseandspearmint

actual cranberries? ew no thank you. The unprocessed chunky stuff is GROSS.

oft-goes-awry

Look, in my house, we mix it with whipped cream and freeze it in a graham cracker crust for dessert!

somethinginterestingithink

@oft-goes-awry

what the actual fuck?

oft-goes-awry

@somethinginterestingithink

Behold, my grandmother's recipe for Cranberry Surprise:

For the crust, combine 2/3 cup crushed ginger snap crumbs (put them in a large plastic bag and crumble with a rolling pin, or a mug if you don't have one) with 2 T. of sugar. Press into a 9" pie plate.

For the filling, pour a half-pint of regular whipping cream into a bowl, and beat until stiff. Mix in 2 T. of sugar and 1/2 tsp. of almond extract.

In another bowl, take a 14 oz. CHILLED can of jellied cranberry sauce and mash it with a potato masher if you've got one, or a fork if you don't. (My mom bought me a potato masher specifically so I could make this dessert at holidays without having to borrow hers.)

Once the log is goo, fold the cranberry sauce into the whipped cream mix. Yes, it's supposed to be THAT pink.

Pour the pink cream-and-cranberry mix into the crust and freeze for at least 24 hours. Cut and serve immediately upon removal from freezer.

justgot1

American Horror Food is one of my favorite tumblr post types.

(I make it from real cranberries but if I decide to go with Goo Log, I mash it like the unorthodox godkiller that I am.)

strid3rofthen0rth

I can only add that I worked in a deep freeze warehouse for a little bit when I was younger. The cranberries would come in loose around Halloween. This big machine would clean, sort, and dump them into 1000 lb wooden bins that would be forklifted and stacked to freeze in the warehouse.

One time, somebody lost control of a bin and broke it open. I would like you to picture a dozen warehouse workers slip sliding around on frozen cranberry ball bearings for hours, trying to clean them up, while you play Yakety Sax in your head. It was a nightmare.

arianrhodsgarden

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Doesn’t everyone have a special cranberry-from-the-can serving plate and slice-cutting tool! What, are you all just living live Neanderthals?!?!

callmebliss

Oh my ZOD I love that

astrid4189

my brother is a culinary artist. one year he made some amazing cranberry sauce that nobody touched. the next year he made the same sauce, added a thickener, and set it in a ribbed can (he reused a pumpkin can iirc), and it was a hit.

we like the vague can-shaped fruit gelatin. i personally like it even more when it’s home-made.

annleckie

Ah, in my house we serve this standing up on a plate, and we call it Invisible Can. It is not a holiday dinner without Invisible Can.

gallusrostromegalus

  1. Hello international friends, I am delighted to report all of the above is real :)
  2. Not to come in with a steel chair here, but the ideal pairing for cranberry sauce in all forms, and the meat we *should* be serving at Thanksgiving, rather than easy-to-improperly cook turkey that tastes like napkins, is Lamb.
cat-boy-tits
applesauce42069

Attempts to erase Palestinian identity and connection to The Land are just as insidious as attempts to erase Jewish identity and connection to The Land.

There is active erasure taking place on both "sides." I think this is because people seem to be so unable to hold two goddamn things at once and they see the existence of one group in connection to The Land, to completely undermine the existence of another group in connection to The Land.

This is super immature and also very fucking annoying because it means we have to watch people jump through hoops to try and explain that Palestinians don't exist or that all Jews are colonizers who grew out of the ground in Europe.